Christmas in the Northwest

Well, it's been a while. And I explained everything in my last post, unfortunately Firefox crapped out on me, so that all disappeared. It had to do with a motorcycle accident, caretaking, hibernating and non-flaky people. Trust me, it was good readin'.

Anyway, I was saying that I haven't done a whole lot of Christmas stuff up here in Seattle because of the aforementioned things, but I am making a mixed CD tentatively titled "Merry Crapmas" or "Christmas in Hell", haven't decided yet. I'm not making it for any masochistic reasons, but the reason is a secret. Here's the list so far:

1. Christmas in the Northwest (Brenda Kutz White)
Quite a gem. A gift God wrapped in green?!? This has become a tradition, like picking out a tree or looking at Christmas lights. The first time we hear this on the radio we have a good chuckfest.

2. Where Are You Christmas? (Faith Hill)
Shmaltz fest. This is sickeningly sweet and saptastic. Here is some of the lyrical awfulness:
Where are you Christmas Why can't I find you Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter  You used to bring me Why can't I hear music play
Oy... please stop.

3.  Hey Santa (Wilson Phillips)
An oldie and a badie. The nasal voices, the ultra-pop melodies, the ickyness. Ick

4. All I Want For Christmas Is A Real Good Tan (Kenny Chesney)
I had only heard of this song this year. It is so lame lame lame. Here are some of the lyrics, I am sure he must have written it himself:
Well if you’re thinkin’ ‘bout gettin’ me a present this year, Let me put a bug in your cute little ear
How about two tickets to a tropical show, Where we don’t have to wear these winter clothes anymore.
Not much more you can say about that.

5. Christmas in America (Kenny Rogers)
Now, I love old Kenny. Islands in the Stream... The Gambler... gold. But Christmas in America?? Please NO! Patriotism and Christmas don't mix.

6. The Gift (Jim Brickman & Susan Ashton)
Just shmaltz. Pure & simple. It's just cheeeeeeeese.

7. I Don't Wanna Spend One More Christmas Without You (N'Sync)
A Christmas song by N'sync. 'nuf said.

8.  Christmas Shoes (Newsong)
This is the cream of the crap. The craptastic crappiest. It is so so SO awful. There's even a section where some kids sing... that's always a good clue. Here's the chorus (if you read on, don't blame me for your nauseousness):

Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight

auuuuh... i dont feel so good